*~*~*~*~*~July Joke Thread~*~*~*~*~*

[whiskychaser]

Young lad comes home from school pleased with himself:
Son: Hey dad! I got a part in the school play!!! I get to be a man who has been married for 25 years!!!
Dad: Never mind son. You might get a speaking part next time

[KurtM]

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

Three couples
wanted to join a church…




Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and
a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have
special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks.”


The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, “Were you able to abstain from
sex for the two weeks?” The old man replies, “No problem at all, Pastor.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church.” said the pastor.


The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, “Well,
were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The man replied, “The
first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a
couple of nights but, yes we made it.” Congratulations! Welcome to the church.”
said the pastor.


The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks,
‘Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “Well Pastor, we
were not able to go without sex for the two weeks, “the young man replied.” What
happened?” inquired the pastor.” My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the
top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with
lust and took advantage of her right there.”
*“You understand of course, this means you will not be
welcome in our church,” stated the pastor.”







That’s OK.” said the young man, “We’re not welcome at
Safeway anymore, either."