*0*0*0*0*0 April Joke Thread 0*0*0*0*0*

[GJPinAU]

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath
he asked, 'Please, may I hide under
your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later, two
Military Police ran up and asked, Sister,
have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.
'After the MP's ran off, the soldier
crawled out from under her skirt and
said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister.
You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude,
but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a
little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....
I don't want to go to Iraq either.'

[GJPinAU]

So Paddy asks Murphy: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their
boats?"

To which Murphy replies:

"You thick idiot - If they fell forwards they'd still be in the ****in’h boat"

[whiskychaser]

So Paddy asks Murphy: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their
boats?"

To which Murphy replies:

"You thick idiot - If they fell forwards they'd still be in the ****in’h boat"

Thats classic
Paddy goes to garage to buy a car but only has £20.
Garage owner says 'I've got a car for £20 - but its got no doors'
Paddy says ' Well how do I get in it if its got no doors?'

Its the way you tell 'em

[califblue]

love at age 10:
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, 'Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?'

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, 'In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, 'Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny .'

Again, Bruce instantly replies, 'Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?'

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, 'Well, we've been lucky so far.'

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable.

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Went to my local COSTCO to buy a large bag of Purina dog chow for Fritz, our Dog. In the checkout line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.



What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm a wise arse, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again. Added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, after losing 50 pounds and awakening in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was a perfect diet. The way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again.



(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.



I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.



Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

[tim eh?]

haha if you thought that up on the spot I am impressed!

If I worked at cosco I'd be happy to have you back - haha 'do you have a dog?'

Once I warned a ride-seeker that I smoked.

...long pause.... 'in the car?'

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

haha if you thought that up on the spot I am impressed!

If I worked at cosco I'd be happy to have you back - haha 'do you have a dog?'

Once I warned a ride-seeker that I smoked.

...long pause.... 'in the car?'

Not my first problem at Costco, I also yell "Feeding Frenzy" and make Cow (Mooo Moo) sounds when herds of people abandon their carts in the middle of the isle and flock for a free sample of a microwave burrito.

[632 Regal]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFjFiQTSPes