((((((((((((((((((same chit joke different month))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[GJPinAU]

PM Kevin Rudd is talking to 3 armed forces personnel; 1 from each of his fighting forces.

He asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on deployment?

The Army Sergeant says, "I'd reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!"

The Navy PO says, "I'd reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !"

The RAAF Sergeant says, "I'd reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask
who the f*** has put a tent up in my hotel room?"

[gale]

Why men don't write advice columns:

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a
mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's
daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We
have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having
an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave
him.. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but
ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He
won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.


Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses
on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is
faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps.
Walter

[BMWDriver]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.