OK here is what I have discovered so far:
check my logic please
Both relays work fine when inserted into the glass pop.
1: It isn't a bad relay.
When I bridge the signal for the glass side and the hatch, it pops fine.
2: no problem with wiring from the relay to the motor, nor with the constant 12+ to the relay... and all contacts in the socket should therefore be ok
There is 12v (or 14v if running) available on the signal side of the relay when the switch is depressed with the relay OUT. there is less than .01 ohms resistance from the switch to this point.
When the relay is in, and the switch depressed, only .3V is on the multimeter. again as soon as it is out it shows 12v again.
ON the functional (glass pop) side, it shows the full voltage whether or not the relay is inserted.
Perhaps an amperage problem? But resistance from the switch to the relay is minimal...
EDIT: I just had a thought and went out and jumpered the switch... fully functional, relay clicks and hatch pops, with a full 12v showing at the relay, every time.
Measured ohms across the switch... between 60 and 120 on the 200 ohm scale most button presses. About once every 50 presses it is ok and the hatch pops, so it looks like I need a new switch, or to figure out how to take it out and fix it.
ON a positive note, I now know how to use any alarm's aux outputs to trigger the hatch and glass without needing extra relays and a bunch of wiring.