**********April Joke Thread**********

[indierthanthou]

Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor?

A: A baby with a javellin through its head.



A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

[GJPinAU]

Q: What's more fun than spinning a baby around on a clothes line?

A: stopping it with a baseball bat!

[///Sniper535]

Sorry if these jokes are inappropriate...

!. What did one sagging boob say to the other?

We better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!


2. What do 365 used condoms make?

A good year!

[Macv]

Since we're on dead baby jokes,

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

One's legal to hit with an axe.

[indierthanthou]

you know whats gross?

ten babies nailed to ten trees

you know whats grosser than that?

one baby nailed to ten trees.

[bimmer95]

Q: Whats the difference between an M5 and 1000 dead babies?

A: i dont have an M5 in my garage

[indierthanthou]

Whats gross? A trashcan full of dead babies.
Grosser than that? One live baby on the bottom, eating his way out.
Even grosser? He went back for seconds.

[RockJock]

Poor little Herbie. Since his birth, poor blind Herbie had never seen the light of day. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day would be a very special one. If he prayed extra hard to Jesus, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.

Eagerly, Herbie crouched down on his knees beside his bed and put his hands together. For hours, he prayed and prayed to Jesus.

The next morning Herbie's mother came into his room and gently woke him from his sleep.

"Well Herbie, open your eyes and you'll know that Jesus answered your prayers."

Little Herbie slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I STILL CAN'T SEE!"

"I know, dear," said his mother. "APRIL FOOL!"

[Fred Tyler]

How do you get a baby out of a blender?


With a straw!

don't blame me I didn't start it!

[trumpetr]

Q: Whats the difference between Anna Nicole Smith, and an E34 M5?

A: Not everyone has been in an e34 M5.