Stick-on $2 cold air intake: Too good to be true?

[genphreak]

Hi everyone,

I know you've all hade it up to here with Pod Filters, Chinese Cones, K&Ns and so on, but here is an amazing new product (custom designed for all 6 cylinder e34s) that I just had to tell you about!

Here are the details from the website:

New Cold Air intake, the only one with a guaranteed performance increase that will actually increase performance!

Normal cold air intakes suffer from

• inferior filtration
• ambient heat absorbtion (heat soak), especially in traffic
  
• dirt contamination
• oil saturation
• shortened lifespan
• increased noise
• complicated bolt-on procudure requiring tools and know-how
  

As well as various other drawbacks that caused manufacturers to stop using them decades ago!!

So as a BMW driver in today's new world order, what do you do when you want to be cool too?

Look no further, this is the ideal product for you!

THE ULTIMATE IN HIGH-PERFORMANCE, STICK-ON PERFORMANCE UPGRADES FOR YOUR E34

You may drive a car with the best engineering (sensible) money can buy, but that doesn't mean you have to throw away all the smart features BMW have put into the intake system in order to claim a 3% improvement in WOT (Wide Open Throttle) performance just like your friends!

For no more than $2 and about 5 minutes of your time under the bonnet, you get to keep:

• Cold-air thermal insulator alloy plate
• 8mm Thermal insulation air cavity
• Driven water/Rain-Drain, designed to handle pouring rain at autobahn speeds of 160mph (and more!)
  
• CAD designed, highly engineered, heat resistant sound deadener casing
• Forward facing Cold air intake RAM
• Thermal insulating cover
• 10,000,000 cubic foot per minute capable, OE-grade, fine-fibre filter element
• Easy change filter system

No other cold air intake on the market comes close!

No other filter system has such a comprehensive array of features!

And it only takes 5 minutes to install!

It's true! But of course making such a serious gain in performance and power doesn't come cheap. A roll of performance automotive-grade kitchen foil costs almost $2.

SO; here is a typical example of what you can do if money is no object (and you have a bit of spare double sided tape) lying around;

Installation Instructions

1. Only use other people to work on your car
2. Ask for assistance on your favourite forums for at least 7 days before opening the bonnet and looking at your motor, especially if you have no intention of doing anything that might get your hands dirty
3. Loosen 10mm nut holding existing cold air intake casing
4. Loosen 6mm nut on filter output boot and disconnect from AFM
5. Lift casing and boot from the car.
6. Undo 4 screws holding existing insulator cover and clean the whole assembly thoroughly
7. Apply 2 strips of double-sided tape to the col air intake housing body
8. Stretch approximately 450mm of our patented aluminium automotive-grade kitchen foil over the base of the air box and stick down as per the picture above
9. Reinstall the factory insulator covering on the intake body
   
10. Re-install the assembly in vehicle (opposite of steps 3 through 6)
    
11. Visit all your mates and wear out your bonnet struts showing them your new cold-air intake system

Installation Checklist:
* Only use stick on products like this one, available almost exclusively from ebay and other ethically corrupt online services
* Be sure to dyno-tune your car afterwards and adjust your fuel injections fully to be sure you can gain the full extent of your 3% improvement from our claimed performance enhancement. Please note that due to the large amount of additional air volume possible with this product, you may need to install larger injectors, throttle bodies or valves.
* Know what you are doing. We don't. take any responsibility for you making mistakes or not being a professional and having much experience installing these kinds of high-tecknolgy, stick-on performance products. If you are not well-experienced, you risk not gaining all the improvements possible from these (and other) performance products. This is not our fault. It is up to you to calibrate your engine to utilise the additional airflow this product achieves.
* Be a responsible buyer. We guarantee everything online and honor nothing to responsible buyers.
* Leave good feedback and send us your eBay username and password so we can help you in your future dealings.

I am gonna give it a try. I will post pics once it is all done- but it might take a few weeks as I wil have to summon some courage and open the bonnet. Wish me luck... Nick

[BigKriss]

Yes

[Qube]

Where can I get one!!

[rob101]

Chinese Cones

is this some new type of drug or something

[genphreak]

Yes

No kidding bud. I just did it. All on my own! It took me 5 minutes as advertised. Had to use very special foil though, apparently else it won't stick or work properly- and I want my guaranteed 3% performance increase... I'll tell you if it works when I do the seat of the pants test tomorrow!

[ILoveMPower]

I lol'd!

[mikell]

What if you install a Turbonator with it? Gotta be good for another 75 HP at least.

[VentoGT]

Probably about as effective as the aforementioned Turbonator--I saw a base 1994 Eclipse the other day, complete with Wal-Mart spinner hubcaps, 4 badges on the back, and the fake turbo noise along with a hole-cut muffler that announced to the road 'yes, this is a base automatic Eclipse'.

Incredible.

[genphreak]

Probably about as effective as the aforementioned Turbonator--I saw a base 1994 Eclipse the other day, complete with Wal-Mart spinner hubcaps, 4 badges on the back, and the fake turbo noise along with a hole-cut muffler that announced to the road 'yes, this is a base automatic Eclipse'.

Incredible.

I'm not so sure that power won't be significantly increased by this. Everything about the project has gone according to the manufacturers claims so far.

I am really keen to see how it performs in traffic, where under-hood temperatures can rise so much that traditional cold-air intakes become hot-air baths.

The instructions state that for this reason, driving in traffic can net really good results as it will get much more WOT power... sounds like just the thing for drifting through Tokyo traffic on a quiet night out, don't you think? Can't wait to see! Nick

[Zeuk in Oz]

Nick,
I am reliably informed that it only works if you fit it in conjunction with a Brock polariser and also water injection (re-route the hose from the washer bottle) to cool it.
Good luck,
Bo