*0*0*0*0*0 April Joke Thread 0*0*0*0*0*

[632 Regal]

Heh

http://www.thebailoutgame.us/

2874 and a lot of vacant land

17138 and #614

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

Heh

http://www.thebailoutgame.us/

2874 and a lot of vacant land

F um, I bailed no one out

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

OMFG WTF????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l12Csc_lW0Q

As an American, I am going for a preemptive tactical nuclear strike on this country of zombies.

[GJPinAU]

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked him if it would be alright if he could use one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should Dad; they're very strong
And rather expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
Try one, and before we leave in the
Morning, I'll put the money
Under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found
$110 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told
You each pill was
$10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The Hundred is from Grandma!"

[winfred]

Little Johnny had just come back to school from his summer break and the teacher was asking all of the kids to stand up and tell the class what they had done in their holidays. When it came to the turn of Johnny he stood up and told the teacher " Well M'am I went down the woods with my mates, found some frogs and stuck fireworks up their ASSES". Horrified, the teacher replied " You mean RECTUM". Johnny was surprised and paused for a moment "WRECKD'EM? ****ing blew 'em to pieces!"

[Kibokojoe]

This is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWTCIpT1j7U

[gale]

Three ironworkers on the top level of a skyscraper, one Irishman, one Mexican, and one Southern redneck.

They take a lunchbreak & the Irishman says "corned beef and cabbage again? if she packs me this same lunch again I'm jumping off the building!"

The Mexican opens his lunchbox and says "burritos again, if she packs burritos one more time I'm jumping off the building!"

The redneck opens his lunchbox "bologna sandwiches again, if I have them one more time I'm jumping off the building!"

The next day the Irishman opens his lunch, finds corned beef and cabbage, and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his lunch, finds burritos, and jumps to his death.

The redneck opens his lunch, finds bologna sandwiches, and jumps to his death.

The 3 grieving widows gathered after the funeral. The Irishman's wife said "if only I'd known he didn't like his lunch, I'd pack him something different every day."

The Mexican's wife said "if only I'd known he didn't like burritos I'd give him tacos and enchiladas and taquitos."

The redneck's wife said "he packs his own lunch!"

[mikell]

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

[GJPinAU]

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any
experience shoeing horses...

He said no but he had told a donkey to **** off once.

[GJPinAU]

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath
he asked, 'Please, may I hide under
your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later, two
Military Police ran up and asked, Sister,
have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.
'After the MP's ran off, the soldier
crawled out from under her skirt and
said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister.
You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude,
but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a
little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....
I don't want to go to Iraq either.'