Emperor's New Clothes (Long, angry rant)

[prosenfe]

I'll just throw this out there, and everyone can flame me as they find time. I own a 1995 BMW 540i A/T. It's my first BMW. It had 130,000 miles two years ago when I bought it, and now it has 150,000. In that time, the car has been nothing but obscenely expensive and completely unreliable. It now sits in my driveway with a puddle of trans oil underneath it. The $25/qt. "lifetime" variety. That makes fully four times it has randomly disgorged it's trans oil on the driveway. Each time it finds a new seal to break. This time, it's thrown down a puddle of coolant for good measure.
I'll admit that it was not properly cared for prior to my buying it. Yet, I've driven _a lot_ of beaters in my life, and none of them have been so decidedly unreliable. None has randomly broken down, requiring a limp to the shop and a $300 infusion even one time, much less four. And this car is no beater. I had a local shop check it out prior to buying and they assured me it was good. Nevertheless, I spent $3,000 on it the first year...and it's still broken down.
I wouldn't mind all the trouble if the car was a joy to drive. But it isn't. It's enormously powerful, quiet and beautiful, but after that it's pretty much a big disappointment.
The much-touted handling feels heavy, ponderous and vague to me. The controls are fiddly and confusing. Go to cancel the cruise, and you're likely to turn on the windshield wipers because the stalks are the same shape & size and only inches apart. The A/C controls are completely bewildering.
The seats are uncomfortable, especially on long drives.
The headliner rattles.
The brakes are awful. I've never seen brakes entirely without modulation of any kind, until this car. You are either stopping with denture-popping ferocity, or not stopping at all. There is no middle ground. Once they do grab, getting them to let go requires a pry bar and a lead pipe. I'm not sure how you engineer brakes like that, but it can't be easy. Even worse, they are so sloppy that coming to a stop is always a herky-jerky affair. No poise or finesse at all. Just a lumpen mass of expensive parts careening to a halt.
The 5HP30 transmission, of course, is absolute garbage and any search of this site will bear that out. "Lifetime" fluid seems to mean a transmission guaranteed to fail at 100k miles. Incidentally, the trans costs $5,000 from BMW. The car is presently worth $4,000.
Add to all this confusion the dealer attitude, the reluctance of BMW to release any kind of repair info on the cars (like a reasonable substitute for "lifetime" oil), the sinking sensation in my wallet every time I drive it, the perception by decent, hard-working folk that BMW drivers are jerks and the BMW just isn't a very compelling car.
I've been reduced to an '89 Honda by this masterpiece of German engineering and I thank God for it every night. The Honda is nearly 20 years old, with 180k miles. When I found it, it was abandoned for dead in my brother-in-law's shed. The clearcoat is gone. Compression is low in one cylinder and it smokes. It is a beater in every sense of the word. But, it still gets 27-31 mpg. It still drives without complaint. It starts immediately, every single time I turn the key. What's more, ugly and broken, it's still 10x more fun than the BMW is at its best. It is more lively, more precise, more responsive and I can cut off BMWs with gleeful abandon. Not surprisingly then, there is a new Honda engine in my driveway, right next to the puddle of BMW trans fluid. A paint job will be following. The Honda is worth repairing. The BMW? Not so sure. The Honda is worth painting and I will. The BMW might be worth pushing into a field and lighting on fire. It would be more fun that way.
In short, the Honda is like a loyal dog. The BMW is like a bad girlfriend. Or a herion habit.
Is there a reason people buy these, or is this another case of the emperor's new clothes?
Thanks for letting me rant. You may flame at will.

Paul

[spyrot1]

Don't hold back, tell us what you really think...

[spyrot1]

Hmmm... German cars with over 150k miles might have issues, especially if the PO abused the car.

Sounds about right... welcome to BMW ownership!

No pain, no gain!

[pundit]

".. I'll admit that it was not properly cared for prior to my buying it."

BINGO!!... That's one critical point!
If fact it sounds like it's really been let go.
The brakes etc.

The second is that unless you either have the skills to carry out much of the work yourself or have plenty of cash that you don't mind spending, then any semi-exotic vehicle, let alone one that hasn't been well maintained, is not a good choice. I have a 535i which is very reliable (with preventative maintenance) however a 540 will always require more maintenance.

As for the controls there's nothing wrong with the layout.
I suggest the operator needs to read the owners manual.

A recent poster was contemplating the purchase of an Alpina E34 Bi-Turbo but also stated he was financially strapped would have to take out a loan to buy it and would be bankrupted by any major problem that occurred.

So should he buy it or not?
I'll leave you to answer that.

Incidentally, an E34 540 here in Australia was around $120,000.00 new ($110,000.00 USD).
I assume in the US they were around $60,000.00 USD new. Work out that the car has now depreciated some 90%.

So if you like the idea of getting a car that once sold for $60,000 for less than $6,000 then you need to take repair and maintenance costs into account.
If you don't then buy a Honda!

[Dave M]

I had a local shop check it out prior to buying and they assured me it was good. Nevertheless, I spent $3,000 on it the first year...and it's still broken down

.

Provided the ranting, unfortunately, you found a bad shop.

Go to cancel the cruise, and you're likely to turn on the windshield wipers because the stalks are the same shape & size and only inches apart. The A/C controls are completely bewildering.
The seats are uncomfortable, especially on long drives.
The headliner rattles.

Wow, I guess theres a first time for everything. I remember ONE person complaining about the seats and that was a while ago. Everyones posterior is different, too bad it doesn't fit.

I've never seen brakes entirely without modulation of any kind, until this car. You are either stopping with denture-popping ferocity, or not stopping at all.

You have brake problems, no doubt about it. I've never driven a better stopping machine.

It (the honda) is a beater in every sense of the word. But, it still gets 27-31 mpg. It still drives without complaint. It starts immediately, every single time I turn the key. What's more, ugly and broken, it's still 10x more fun than the BMW is at its best.

Have you driven a Ford lately??


Sorry you had a bad experience. I invite you to drive my lowly 525im any day of the week, if it might change you mind

Dave M

[Paul in NZ]

what do you expect us to say?BMW s are fine cars.
They arent the cheapest,they arent the most reliable.
I have not had that many cars in my life but the BMW has the best combinaton of power,handling,comfort,quietness,ergonomics,ride,i nvolvement,(i have a manual) and features(for a car that nearly 20 years old!).I cant help but grin sometimes when i drive it.I belong to the car club.I suggest you sell your BMW and keep your Honda.

[infurno]

The controls are fiddly and confusing. Go to cancel the cruise, and you're likely to turn on the windshield wipers because the stalks are the same shape & size and only inches apart. The A/C controls are completely bewildering.

To each his own.

Nobody buys a bmw for fuel economy, or to save money. Just the wrong car for you.

After owning 3 Hondas I can say they ok new, but give it a few months and all the plastic stuff starts squeaking and rattling. I have never been in a used honda that let you drive with the stero off without losing your mind. (not saying they are all like that. just my experience)

My e34 has 270k miles, and solid as a rock both inside and out. I just got hit by a big chevy truck, and only got a scratch that nobody can find. Unbelievable.

[BigKriss]

i've got nothing to add besides what the other gentlmen have said. lifetime fluid still has to be chaged though. I don't experience any problems you do though,

[DaveVoorhis]

Congratulations: You've discovered BMW isn't for you -- especially not one with relatively high mileage, poor maintenance, and something seriously wrong with the brakes. Sell it and move on.

And there's no such thing as a good automatic transmission. They're all crap. By design, every one emerges from the factory as an inevitable catastrophic failure waiting for nothing more than the worst opportunity to happen. Attempts to repair automatic transmissions are fruitless exercises in sorrow; nowt but pointless, expensive and depressing. There's a reason God gave you two arms and two legs -- it's to reserve one of each for clutch and gearshift.

[Barney Paull-Edwards]

If you find a BMW thats been looked after, it will last forever, otherwise throw it on the heap, simple really. Mine has done 280k and still does a thousand miles a day if I want it to,and is fixable,could afford a new car but nothing does the job as well as an E34, and has bumpers! Sorry you bought a dog but dont blame the car, blame the owners.