**********February Joke Thread**********

[632 Regal]

To all you northerners or displaced northerners:


Norman and his wife live in Prince George. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have three to four inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while eating breakfast, they hear the announcer say, "We are expecting four to five inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week when they are having breakfast, the radio announcer begins, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park . . . " but the power goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do!"

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

[Venus4NU]

February? Here in the central time zone it is January 30..... which means no where in the world is it February yet, January has 31 days.

Just my two cents worth.

K~

PS: Good joke!

To all you northerners or displaced northerners:


Norman and his wife live in Prince George. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have three to four inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while eating breakfast, they hear the announcer say, "We are expecting four to five inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week when they are having breakfast, the radio announcer begins, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park . . . " but the power goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do!"

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

[632 Regal]

im on a different planet right now.

February? Here in the central time zone it is January 30..... which means no where in the world is it February yet, January has 31 days.

Just my two cents worth.

K~

PS: Good joke!

[Venus4NU]

im on a different planet right now.

Oh, now it all makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for clarifying. At first I thought I had lost another whole day of my life. Still haven't found the last one I lost.

K~

[Arxon]

Venus, try the old orthodox cristian calendar, you will earn 13 days!

[GJPinAU]

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Un**** you.

2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

11. I'm not . I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress! is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor?

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder .. my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like ****. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly,terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You're depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If *******s could fly, this place would be an airport.

30. Look in my eyes ... Do you see one ounce of gives-a-****?

[Arxon]

John and Mary are just married, John is a virgin and he does n't know anything about... So he ask his friend George's advice.
"don't worry" he said, "just do what exactly she does, it is easy"
So now John is nervus and alone with Mary in the bedroom...
Mary takes off her dress, John takes off his suit.
Mary, is waiting a little and after nothing happens, takes off her underwear, John takes off his underwear too.
Mary getting angrie, going to bed and lie down, John follows her, and lie down too.
Mary is desreratly, then raises and open her legs and waiting, John does exactly the same!
Then Mary asking him, " Hey John, do you know somebody to come and give us a ****?"

[califblue]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand
and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches
"Can I help you sir?"">
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's
wiener is hanging out of his fly for the entire world to see.
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.....

"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too

[winfred]

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."

[winfred]

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."
A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail.
Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."
The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over.
"Well, that's a little different since it pertains to religion."
The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.
The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again.
As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."