No such animal, except maybe Carsoft or whatever it's called, with which I have no experience.
http://www.diagnos.co.uk
Faster and, in many ways, better than the current generation DIS tools. With continuously updated software and unparalleled tech support. All for the respectable price of 10 grand US.
The next best thing would probably be a Modic III, which the dealers stopped using a few years ago and has software support up to the E65/66. There was a diagnostic head ALONE (this is usually configured as a wireless system -- the head connects to the OBDII or round connectors on the car), with no actual modic III unit, on eBay recently for $1500.
There are lots of others -- Baum Tool has a scanner, Snap-On's modis (don't know how good the BMW interface is, but they're guaranteed to have a chip), none of which are really in the DIY budget unless you're going to subsidize the unit cost by selling readings to the people in your local CCA chapter.
best, whit