Jokes 12/01/04

[632 Regal]

First Question:


You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.


To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?



Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?



You're not very good at this! Are you?



Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.


Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000 ?



The correct answer is actually 4100.



Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?



Fourth Question:


Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?



NO! Of course not.
Her name is Mary . Read the question again



Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By

imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?


He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

[winfred]

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever
experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

[wat_sup2002]

got me on the first and fourth but 2nd and 3rd were easy pisey lemon squezy

[bahnstormer]

dude?
post this shit in teh official thread =]

[632 Regal]

dude?
post this shit in teh official thread =]

[bahnstormer]

its not so much jealousy as
curiosity...what made u start
a new thread? and make it harder
for others to find the jokes?
and make another thread that'll just
get bumped down...

just wondering...

[632 Regal]

and when they get that long it takes a fair amount of space on the board and eventually any time it gets bumped to the top it will be HUGER than my first ex wife.

Thats my reasoning.

There's usually a method to my madness unless I'm bloody drunk.

its not so much jealousy as
curiosity...what made u start
a new thread? and make it harder
for others to find the jokes?
and make another thread that'll just
get bumped down...

just wondering...

[Am Piobaire]

Most Accident prone time of the year.

A little Christmas cheer for all from the Australian Bureau of Statistics


*31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.

*19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas
decorations they believed were chocolate.

*Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
incidents.

*101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys
pulled out of the soles of their feet.

*18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a
lit cigarette in their mouth.

*A massive 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with teeth or eye socket.

*5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of
control scalextric cars.

*3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their
tongue.

*142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from
new shirts.

*58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

and finally:

*8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep (passing
out) while throwing up into the toilet.

YEP! its great to be Australian!

[winfred]

Trivia for Adults

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".

Q: What is an Australian kiss?
A: It is the same as a French kiss, but only down under.

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they
go they take your house and car with them.

Q: Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch

[Am Piobaire]

Three Scotsmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to a football match in London. At the station, the three Englishmen each buy a ticket and watch as the three Scots buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?", asks one of the Englishmen. "Watch and learn," answers one of the Scots. They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but the three Scots cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Englishmen are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Scots (like always!) on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip... To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all !! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Englishman. Watch and learn..." says one Scotsman. When they board the train the three Scots cram into a toilet and soon after the three Englishmen pile into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scots leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the Englishmen are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."