**********July Joke Thread**********

[Mitch90535im]

Let me start it off with a good one this month -

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says, "OK, I'll serve you, but you'd better not start anything."

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

were sitting up late looking at the full moon, when Jane asks "Tarzan, don't you get lonely on nights like this"?

Tarzan Replies "No, Jungle full of friends"

Jane placing her hand on Tarzan's leg, says, "This kind of lonely"

Tarzan blushing replies "Ooh, Tarzan find friendly hole in tree to not be lonely anymore"

Jane laying back asks Tarzan "Would you like to that do to me?"

Tarzan replies "Uhh, sure" and grabs a stick, pokes it into Jane and rattles it back and forth.

Jane screams "What the hell was that?"


Tarzan replies "Tarzan always check for Bees first"

[attack eagle]

Lol

[pundit]

Bush commutes 'Scooter' Libby's jail term.

[winfred]

A lady tells her Man: 'I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table'.
The man climbs into bed slowly and says: 'Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?'

[whiskychaser]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says,

"Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says,

"My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher."Anyone else?"


Little Johnny jumps up and says,

"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush,

And my dad says it will take the contagious."

[540 touring]

Sky TV are showing the World Origami Championships live from Japan in August.

Unfortunately, it's only on 'Paper View' !!!

[swenpro]

I almost missed this joke thread, where are the ********* ????

[632 Regal]

just seeing if this is possible...

edit: fixt

[BigKriss]

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who
called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of
time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used
to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up
and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was
flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit
older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I
don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of
muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I
am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby grey haired older men were cute, and she
was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to fuck off.