new bad joke

[winfred]

The man and the little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, lad, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

[winfred]

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials an extension and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool! You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"I'm the CEO of the company!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, who put down the phone.

[winfred]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him.
The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer?Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just
wondering if you were my son."

[632 Regal]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him.
The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer?Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just
wondering if you were my son."

[bahnstormer]

good stuff!

[winfred]

A young lady got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery. As a result, her husband offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.
One night she and her husband were watching TV when she broke down crying.
What's the matter?" her husband asked.
She said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Her husband hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
With which he replied, "You don't need to repay me, you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."

[winfred]

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

[Bimmer Nut Ed]

Funny stuff. Where do you get all these? I mean, I didn't know there were so many jokes! At least I know, I can never seem to remember them when I want to tell them, or at least, I always get them wrong!

[winfred]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in the father's room the other day and guess what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

[BigD]

A man is riding a camel through the desert. It's been a very long and lonely trip and his hormones have been building up so the camel was beginning to look more and more attractive. Finally, he thought, there is no one around for probably hundreds of miles, why not? As he got off he realized that the camel is too tall. So he took all of his luggage off the camel and piled it up until it was high enough for him to reach. But just as he got on top of the pile and got ready to stick it to the camel, it walked away. Frustrated, the man moved his pile and tried again - same thing. This repeated several times when the man heard a desperate cry in the distance. As he ran to see what was going on, he saw a beautiful woman drowning in quicksand. He threw her a rope and pulled her out. The woman said that for saving her life, she will do anything for him. The man thought for a second and said, "Come hold the damn camel!"